Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
