Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
