No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
