The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
