what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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