Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
