Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
