sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
