Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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