she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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