i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
