So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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