she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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