I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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