At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
