you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
