shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She's JV to your varsity
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.