Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?