I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Im part way to drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.