just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.