the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick