Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.