I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
