I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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