Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
