dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
