adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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