Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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