i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
