the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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