i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
