A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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