How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
