im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
