covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
