Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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