i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
