What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
