I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
