Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
