She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
