i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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