You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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