I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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