I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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