I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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