how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
