The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
