After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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