I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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