'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So squirting runs in the family.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
