I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
