We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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