Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
