Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
