I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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