That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
