K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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