You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
