I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
